he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All the doctor said was why
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
