i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
