Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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