He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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please come you make the beer taste better
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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