Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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