It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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