I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
