So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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