trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
