So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
