TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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