Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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