Your mouth is God's brothel.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
