Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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