Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
