Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
