SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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