it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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