I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
