By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
