I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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