Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
