is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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