shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
