So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
