Do you still have your period?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
