he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
