We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
