Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
