My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
