I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
