I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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