Sry I called you an 8
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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