Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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