Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
