If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
