I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
