so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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