I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Can't talk, ducks in the car
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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