I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
