I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
