Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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