i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
