There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
