my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
