I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
