she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize