i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just want nice things and good sex
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
