So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
