just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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