Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
