The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
