it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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