But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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