is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
