sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Boobs are out for the taking
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
