Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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