GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
