I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
