no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
