I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
