I'm really into asian looking animals
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
