Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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