If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
