ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the day after is always just damage control
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
