I met the friendliest cop last night
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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