I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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