They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
