Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Let's paint friendship bongs
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
