They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
