It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Randomize
