Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
