her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
