last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize