tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
